


Mistaken

by BrokenTourniquet



Category: Tomb Raider (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, HAHAHA IM FINE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTourniquet/pseuds/BrokenTourniquet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's there but she's not. She guarded. Maybe you're mistaken about this. You're not sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistaken

**Author's Note:**

> HAHAHAHAHA ANGST. I HAVE NO IDEA.  
> Want a follow up? Or Sam's thoughts? Let me know!

All it took was a second, a split second in time. A movement. Cry. Shot of pain. Realization. Breath. All of it in just a mere moment.  
You manage your time, and you manage it well because of this. You've learned far too well that if you don't if you don't plan if you don't have plans...everything goes wrong in a second. Someone dies and another hole in your heart is left hollow. A space that can't be filled by time or words of truth. They are simply gone, that special place can never be filled again. It is hollow. You feel callous. You feel cold. Vengeful. So angry. So wronged.  
  
This is why you're so careful around Sam, you always have been but more so. Her eyes shimmer at you like she's back like your Sam is there before her walls are up again and you realized...maybe JUST maybe it was because you let her in too much, so you closed off. You had to be careful. She already has your heart, she can't be allowed to have more of you or you know you'll have nothing left.  
The trouble is you've known her so long she's like air. It's horrible at times because you can't think or breathe until she's there. You grasp at her like she's a respirator to keep you going. You want to hold her forever. You want to tell her all the things you never did but she's not the same, she's still Sam, but she's so different...she's so guarded around you or anyone. Her voice etches in your brain, it's almost gone of all it's light, her eyes that were sunshine are now just a dusk when they look at you.  
  
It breaks your heart because you know it's all your fault.  
  
She's quiet most days now, muttering to herself...Himiko and watching the world pass her by with such a frustrated look. It's one you haven't seen before. It's like the world is depriving her of something...something she had before? You're not sure. You're not sure you care to find out because it'll lead back to you.  
  
You look at her and see what you broke. You can't fix that.  
  
So you don't. You let her know you're still there. For whatever reason she's still with you, watching the sunrise, the stars take place in the sky like it's their throne they rule from. Bright. It's then that Sam is so much brighter to you than you give her credit for. As she watches them, you watch her. You never dare to grab her hand anymore...but your eyes never leave her. If they do her light go out completely go out.  
God, you're such a fool for falling in love with the brightest thing in the world. The universe will only snuff it out now. How do you forgive yourself after that? You deprived the world of Sam. Your air. Your earth. Your water. Your heart. Your entire fucking world. You don't regret loving her, you regret her light being slowly put out because you can't stop it.  
  
She's the sun or even brighter to you. Her smile makes the day better, voice makes your heart sing, her eyes light up your life, Sam and all she is makes you feel loved...even now she never goes a day without saying something to let you know you're not alone. She's still there for you despite her walls and all you've done. You look in her eyes and for a split second....her emotions are all out there. The deep intense look of love in her eyes causes you to catch your breath and smile sadly. She won't tell you and you know you deserve that.  
  
Lara Croft. Destroyer of light. Demon. You deserve it.  
  
Sam looks angry half the time and it really doesn't belong on her face. You love her...dear god you love her but you will never love how she looks like she hates the world. Sam is one of the few people who can point out the good in dark places. Even when her father screams at her calling her worthless...she can smile through tears and point out something bright you would have never seen.  
  
Samantha Nishimura doesn't deserve the hate inside her. She doesn't deserve that ball of darkness created around her. She doesn't deserve any of it. She shuts you out, and it cracks you open.  
  
You become desperate for her to open up to you...she can't see it but it feels like you're crawling through barbed wire, with something tied to your ankle slowing you down. Bit by bit you get there then she moves another mile away. You're not okay with this, you don't even care if it's you she opens up to at this point. It just has to be SOMEONE. The bottled...everything will make her explode.

In a way, you prepare for that day. The realization hurts because you...you put up your own walls ready to protect you. You had no idea you were doing this until Sam pointed out. You both fought. She ended up crying. You ended up leaving for a couple of days. When you came back, you found her asleep, notepad on the table, you read it...she'd been trying to find you. Your heart broke that night. You cried and woke her up. She was confused but you took her in your lap and told her to get some sleep. She sleeps soundly.

It fucks you up when it feels like you both fit but...Sam tries to push you away, in a way you do the same. You fit so well, her body sinks into yours perfectly and yet- there's an icy distance. A block. Something trying to warn you this will only fuck you over. Sad thing is you know...you know and you don't care because it's same. Every time you try to fix it, it gets worse, and you know you should leave but you don't....you don't care. You love her.

You reach for her and she feels there but absentminded. How long until she realizes you're to blame? How long until she leaves? The thought makes your lungs stall. You can't breathe. Your heart starts to feel the weight of the question. You're tired of this, you wish you could stop and just hold her. You want to kiss her with everything you want to say but don't know how to. Words press at your mouth just begging to be released and whenever you try to indulge that they're not there. They disappeared because you took to long. Maybe it's the same for her but you don't know. Maybe she needs to say something but can't.

You love her. You love her so much...without her, it was like there was nothing holding you up. You tried to live on but couldn't. You needed her.

_Maybe she needed you. Maybe she needs you._

_You don't know._

_This is all doomed._

_You love her._

_She loves you._

_And it's doomed._

_But you don't care, you'll sink in the remains of your world before you stop trying._

**Author's Note:**

> http://darktonic.tumblr.com/


End file.
